Goodbye Riley.

Today was the day I had to make the hardest decision a pet owner has to make and I said one final goodbye to my amazing dog, Riley. I knew this day was coming as he was now 13 and he had health issues, but he had been going so well. I had hoped that he would get to his ‘adoption’ anniversary at the end of the month but his body knew different and my hand was forced by circumstance.

You’ve heard it all before from other grieving pet owners, but I can honestly say that no pet has ever had such an impact in my life than that of Riley. From the moment I saw his face in the online advertisement I knew he was mine. I just didn’t comprehend how deeply his presence would change me from the person I was when I bought him.

Riley, through his own personality, taught me to be confident, brave and unafraid.

You see……. Riley was a dude.

Riley was a little dog with a big personality but he was not arrogant or cocky. Everybody who met him loved and admired him.

No collar and lead for this man. He didn’t need it and as a matter of fact, when he was required to be on lead his whole persona was different. Riley walked the streets like he owned them. Just a couple of feet ahead of me, but never afraid of what was ahead of him and never intimidated by any dog he met on his walk. Without my even being aware of it, this is precisely what I needed to learn about life and myself.

Riley was never a clingy “Hold me! Pat me!” dog but he was always by my side. Sitting on the couch, he had to be beside me. Not ON me, beside me. Having a shower, he’d be waiting outside the shower screen, on the bath mat, for me to exit. Going to the toilet he’d be propped at my feet. Bedtime, sleeping right next to me from the first day he arrived. If I was sad or unwell his solid presence was something I could always rely on.

The number of times I’ve turned around and nearly fallen flat on my face because he was right behind me. And I tell you, now that I’m in my fifties I have often wondered if I’d be one of those women who breaks her hip tripping over her dog. Writing this now, without his body pressed against my feet and his snores vibrating the computer desk is breaking my heart. The lack of him is achingly present.

Fortunately, I still have Almond. I know she senses that something is not right. Matthew and I went out today with her buddy Riley but he didn’t come home with us. And Riley wasn’t there when she had dinner. But Almond brought me a perfect dose of reality as she waded through a deep, muddy puddle this afternoon. Nothing like being required to bath a muddy, smelly dog to make you know you’re alive.

The next few days are going to be hard and I’ll probably cry a lot, but never, for a single moment, would I ever consider NOT owning a dog or having a pet because of the likelihood of having to experience this absolute sense of loss again.

Loss is part of love and I loved my boy Riley with all my heart. For eleven years he has been my main man.

And now he’s gone.

And there’s a big hole in my heart.

Goodbye my Riley dog.

I miss you.

We miss you.

 

It’s not your time just yet.

Last Tuesday morning I awoke to the realisation that this might be your last day with me and my mind became numb. You were not well. You hadn’t been ‘right’ for a while, but I explained it to myself as simply old age creeping up on you. But suddenly the creep had become a race and I knew that I needed to take you to the vet to see what, if anything, could be done.

Avoiding the inevitable had become the norm. I was a bad owner. Yes, your ability to see had diminished to the point where I was sure that you only saw shadows and your back legs were beginning to give way…….. but you were happy. You were still eating and drinking and following me around as you always had.

To be brutally honest, I didn’t want to hear what the vet might have to say.

However, I could no longer avoid the truth. You needed to be seen by the vet. Those back legs that had been giving way over time had deteriorated rapidly and this morning they were almost not able to hold you up. You looked afraid and suddenly very old.

As the minutes ticked away I became acutely aware that this might be the last time I talked with you, the last time I rubbed your velvety, black ears, the last time I looked into your beautiful, if now unseeing, brown eyes.

I had to take your photo.

With tears in my eyes I swapped lenses on my camera. It may sound ridiculous to non-photographers, but you needed and deserved the 50mm f1.8. If these were going to be my final images of you they had to be done properly and a prime lens is the only way to do you justice.

We went to the vet. The news was not good. You have spinal degeneration and the nerves to you lower back and hind legs have been severely compromised. The options were almost non-existent. You could have X-rays to assess the extent of the damage but they might not show everything. You could have a CAT scan, but again that might be inconclusive. Because of your age spinal surgery is not an option.

I was faced with two options. We could try anti-inflammatory medication or I stood by your side as we sent you to the Rainbow Bridge.

I’m a realist. I know that you are old. Your thirteenth birthday is but a few months away. That’s a good age for a dog. But it’s not time for you to go. Not yet.

So anti-inflammatory meds it is.

Within 24 hours your condition had improved 1000%. You haven’t become a puppy again, but you are able to stand and walk more confidently. It is true that your brain is telling you to turn left but your back legs are a few seconds late in getting the message, but that doesn’t matter. You are happier and my fears for you have been allayed……for the time being.

It is a day by day scenario, Riley dog. I know you won’t be with me for all that much longer, but it’s not your time to go. Not this week.

I won’t let you suffer. I won’t prolong your life out of selfishness. I will look after you until I know that the time to say goodbye is upon us. Until then I will continue to cook your food, pick up your poop and listen to your gentle snores as you sleep on the spare pillow next to me.

You’re my main man. You’re not leaving me yet.

I’ve felt better

Every now and then I get a migraine that knocks me for six.

Fortunately, these days, it is only every now and then. I remember vividly when it used to be fortnightly.

There is only one thing I can do when it hits. Lie very still, very quiet, in a dark place and sleep. I have to lie still because any movement makes me want to vomit, it needs to be quiet as sound makes my brain throb like it’s going to explode out of my eye sockets and darkness is essential as the light is amplified. I also need to be naked because the clothing hurts my skin.

Sleep comes quickly when I have a migraine. Hours disappear. This is no afternoon nanny nap. This is brain healing time.  I might be knocked out for three or more hours before waking with immense relief that the worst has passed. But this period of wakefulness is short-lived as the exhaustion takes over and I go back to sleep a full night’s sleep.

However, the following day is a write-off. These headaches from hell drain every ounce of energy from your body and the body needs time to recover fully.

I cancelled all my plans for today. I stayed home and did domestic duties. I did them slowly as I needed to rest each time I did anything that was remotely strenuous. Thankfully it was a glorious day in my marvellous Melbourne and I was able to spend time laying in the sunshine each time I was spent.

I’m lucky. This only happens a few times a year now. I have friends who live with constant migraines. That’s not living. That’s existing.

For now, this recovering brain is going to go to bed and rest for another few hours before facing a week at work.

Goodnight.

Meeting the grandkids

I’m not sure if I have mentioned that Freckles (my neighbour’s cat) is a grandmother.

Well……she is.

While she continues to have babies every summer (she is currently feeding her second litter this season), her latest baby also had babies this summer. Two of these babies have been building up the courage to come down and eat in my presence over the last few weeks and today the temptation was too strong.

This one is just like it’s mother only the coat is definitely short, where hers is medium length.

What good fortune that my Nikon D750 was wearing the 105mm macro lens. This gave me the chance to take photos from a distance that this little mite was comfortable with.

I haven’t used this lens much, but oh my golly gosh, how delicious is the bokeh at f8!!!! I might have to keep this on the body for a while and use it exclusively to get the feel of it.

Really, you can’t beat a prime lens for quality.

 

Shot at: 1/160s   f8    ISO800       Nikon 105mm

Image tweaked in Lightroom

Finally!!!!!! Something else to shoot and edit.

We all know that I have recently returned from an amazing holiday where I took over 3000 photos. (“Good God! Is she still banging on about that bloody trip?”)  But I have had enough of editing them……..for now.

I have been craving the availability of something new to photograph.

Something. ANYTHING!!!

Even with the knowledge that whatever I photograph is going to be shot with my old, original DSLR, the Nikon D5100, as my D750 is at Dr Nikon getting the shutter unit replaced, I still needed to photograph something new. I just didn’t know what and I was hamstrung with other commitments that prevented me going out to play with my camera friends.

But in the marvellous way the earth’s energies converge, I was handed not one………not even two photo opportunities today. I was presented with THREE occasions to pull the camera out of the backpack. THREE!!! I would  have been content with one chance to get creative. I was dumbfounded to have the three offered to me to grab and enjoy. Because that is what taking photos is for me; the chance to grab a moment in time and capture it in my own way.

It began with a table full of donated, hand-knitted and crocheted items on the table at work. The colours, the patterns, the textures! It was something. And I was happy. I had something new to edit and something new to blog about.

And then the earth’s energies came together to offer me bliss as I began my ten minute walk to my car. The beautiful Pablo, an eight month old Basset Hound, playing in the fallen Autumn leaves, his colouring complimented by the reds and oranges on the ground. Fortunately for me his lovely owner was more than happy to let me shoot away.

I said my goodbyes to Pablo and his mum and continued my short trek when I saw unusual activity in the old pavillion on the edge of the lake at Queen’s Park. Is/was that really a person walking on a rope ties to the balustrade? Oh my goodness gracious, this is real, hurry up Suzanne and get your camera out before you miss this chance!!!!

Ahhhhh…………the D5100. How excited and happy I was when I bought her and she was my one and only. I thought that she was the bees knees.  She was the catalyst behind my blog! And she is still a very good camera………….. for an entry-level DSLR. But I have to say, in all honesty and with a touch of embarrassment and shame, it is like going back to dial-up internet when you’ve been on super-fast broadband.  I love you D5100, but I miss D750 and her speed and ability to handle low light situations. I will continue to take you everywhere I go, in case of photographic opportunities, until the time I collect my D750 from Dr Nikon. (Which will, hopefully, be in a few days.)

But…………I got my photos. I grabbed those photography gifts with a slow camera and two eager hands. I worked with what I had and I have something new to look at with wonder and pride.

I am in awe at the way the earth energies work. Just when I needed them, they were there for me. And I hadn’t even really asked for anything. It was just a passing thought. Wow. Imagine what could be possible if I thought with more conviction!!

 

PS: New watermark. Matches the ‘business card’ I had printed. I like.    🙂

 

Good God……..what is it?

When I uploaded this picture I had to wonder what it was I was looking at.  What it is, is my darling dog Almond shot up close and very personal with the 10mm fish-eye.

One could say that it is not her most flattering image, however it is a view of her I see on a regular basis when she gets up close and very personal with me.

And the photo I took of my main man, Riley, reminds me of the cartoon pups with their over-sized noses.

I would like to try shooting the dogs again using the fish-eye, but it is very difficult getting them to stay put and needing to get up super close to achieve the look I know I would get. I may have to enlist an assistant with my next attempt.

Photography challenge: Negative space

 

Put simply, negative space is the area which surrounds the main subject in your photo (the main subject is known as the “positive space“).

www.photographymad.com/…/understanding-and-using-negative–space-in-photography

I love using negative space in my photos. It allows the eye to focus on the important thing in your image. When used well, generally when the rule of thirds is involved in the composition, it can create incredible images.

The idea of negative space works best when there is a much greater proportion of the negative in relation to the focal point.

I have just discovered that negative space has a completely different meaning when applied to its use in art, which just goes to show that one must check things out before waffling on in a blog.

Negative space, in art, is the space around and between the subject(s) of an image. Negative space may be most evident when the space around a subject, not the subject itself, forms an interesting or artistically relevant shape, and such space occasionally is used to artistic effect as the “real” subject of an image.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_space

It has also given me a whole new piece of knowledge that I will tuck away for future reference as I wander an art gallery somewhere.

But back to negative space in the photography world………

The point of negative space in a photo is that it is there but not there. It could be anything, sky, water, dirt, flowers, darkness, light…….. anything, but the essence of it is to not take your focus from the ‘thing’ that has been photographed.  Generally it is a complete contrast to the focal point. A red buoy on a vast blue ocean for example.  But there cannot be anything that encroaches upon that negative space. There cannot be another object, person or pattern that distracts the mind from the chosen course.

What I like about negative space is that it can give my image breathing room. I like my close-up shots and I like filling the frame but I also like being able to give my photography subject space to make its mark.

Hello……Country Life magazine?

Looking back over the photos I took at the Polo yesterday I could easily be forgiven for thinking that I was at a photo-shoot for the English magazine Country Life.

I wonder if I should give them a call???  🙂

They just never stop!

Puppies. They just never stop.

Now I know why I chose to get older dogs when I brought Riley and Almond into my life.

I am currently babysitting an 8 month old Jack Russell Terrier. He arrived Xmas Eve. He’s quite a handsome little guy. Smart too. Mastered the dog door within three hours. But he is a puppy. With puppy needs and a puppy attention span. Which basically means that he needs me to pay him attention at all times or he will find other ways to entertain himself that might/will get my attention. Like pulling my shoes out of the wardrobe. Or climbing onto the outside table and stealing the dog brush to chew. Or grabbing the floor mat at the front door and dragging it into the kitchen where I am ignoring him whilst attempting to edit photos.

I came home today to find that he had somehow gotten into my son’s bathroom and stolen two rolls of toilet paper and had been ripping them to bits on my bed. He’d even managed to pull the inner cardboard out of one of them!! Very clever indeed.

Right now I am trying in vain to type with two hands, but having a dog laying across my left wrist is proving to be a tad difficult. I can only use the ‘a’ and ‘shift’ key.

I give up!! I’m going to bed. Sleep time is about the only time I am allowed to ignore him.

Goodnight all.

It really IS Spring

Even though I have the heater on this evening and am in my winter clothes it IS Spring in my marvellous Melbourne.

How do I know this?

Well, apart from the obvious thing such as the date on the calendar, there are ducklings at the lake I walk past on my way to and from work.

🙂