Goodbye Riley.

Today was the day I had to make the hardest decision a pet owner has to make and I said one final goodbye to my amazing dog, Riley. I knew this day was coming as he was now 13 and he had health issues, but he had been going so well. I had hoped that he would get to his ‘adoption’ anniversary at the end of the month but his body knew different and my hand was forced by circumstance.

You’ve heard it all before from other grieving pet owners, but I can honestly say that no pet has ever had such an impact in my life than that of Riley. From the moment I saw his face in the online advertisement I knew he was mine. I just didn’t comprehend how deeply his presence would change me from the person I was when I bought him.

Riley, through his own personality, taught me to be confident, brave and unafraid.

You see……. Riley was a dude.

Riley was a little dog with a big personality but he was not arrogant or cocky. Everybody who met him loved and admired him.

No collar and lead for this man. He didn’t need it and as a matter of fact, when he was required to be on lead his whole persona was different. Riley walked the streets like he owned them. Just a couple of feet ahead of me, but never afraid of what was ahead of him and never intimidated by any dog he met on his walk. Without my even being aware of it, this is precisely what I needed to learn about life and myself.

Riley was never a clingy “Hold me! Pat me!” dog but he was always by my side. Sitting on the couch, he had to be beside me. Not ON me, beside me. Having a shower, he’d be waiting outside the shower screen, on the bath mat, for me to exit. Going to the toilet he’d be propped at my feet. Bedtime, sleeping right next to me from the first day he arrived. If I was sad or unwell his solid presence was something I could always rely on.

The number of times I’ve turned around and nearly fallen flat on my face because he was right behind me. And I tell you, now that I’m in my fifties I have often wondered if I’d be one of those women who breaks her hip tripping over her dog. Writing this now, without his body pressed against my feet and his snores vibrating the computer desk is breaking my heart. The lack of him is achingly present.

Fortunately, I still have Almond. I know she senses that something is not right. Matthew and I went out today with her buddy Riley but he didn’t come home with us. And Riley wasn’t there when she had dinner. But Almond brought me a perfect dose of reality as she waded through a deep, muddy puddle this afternoon. Nothing like being required to bath a muddy, smelly dog to make you know you’re alive.

The next few days are going to be hard and I’ll probably cry a lot, but never, for a single moment, would I ever consider NOT owning a dog or having a pet because of the likelihood of having to experience this absolute sense of loss again.

Loss is part of love and I loved my boy Riley with all my heart. For eleven years he has been my main man.

And now he’s gone.

And there’s a big hole in my heart.

Goodbye my Riley dog.

I miss you.

We miss you.

 

It’s not your time just yet.

Last Tuesday morning I awoke to the realisation that this might be your last day with me and my mind became numb. You were not well. You hadn’t been ‘right’ for a while, but I explained it to myself as simply old age creeping up on you. But suddenly the creep had become a race and I knew that I needed to take you to the vet to see what, if anything, could be done.

Avoiding the inevitable had become the norm. I was a bad owner. Yes, your ability to see had diminished to the point where I was sure that you only saw shadows and your back legs were beginning to give way…….. but you were happy. You were still eating and drinking and following me around as you always had.

To be brutally honest, I didn’t want to hear what the vet might have to say.

However, I could no longer avoid the truth. You needed to be seen by the vet. Those back legs that had been giving way over time had deteriorated rapidly and this morning they were almost not able to hold you up. You looked afraid and suddenly very old.

As the minutes ticked away I became acutely aware that this might be the last time I talked with you, the last time I rubbed your velvety, black ears, the last time I looked into your beautiful, if now unseeing, brown eyes.

I had to take your photo.

With tears in my eyes I swapped lenses on my camera. It may sound ridiculous to non-photographers, but you needed and deserved the 50mm f1.8. If these were going to be my final images of you they had to be done properly and a prime lens is the only way to do you justice.

We went to the vet. The news was not good. You have spinal degeneration and the nerves to you lower back and hind legs have been severely compromised. The options were almost non-existent. You could have X-rays to assess the extent of the damage but they might not show everything. You could have a CAT scan, but again that might be inconclusive. Because of your age spinal surgery is not an option.

I was faced with two options. We could try anti-inflammatory medication or I stood by your side as we sent you to the Rainbow Bridge.

I’m a realist. I know that you are old. Your thirteenth birthday is but a few months away. That’s a good age for a dog. But it’s not time for you to go. Not yet.

So anti-inflammatory meds it is.

Within 24 hours your condition had improved 1000%. You haven’t become a puppy again, but you are able to stand and walk more confidently. It is true that your brain is telling you to turn left but your back legs are a few seconds late in getting the message, but that doesn’t matter. You are happier and my fears for you have been allayed……for the time being.

It is a day by day scenario, Riley dog. I know you won’t be with me for all that much longer, but it’s not your time to go. Not this week.

I won’t let you suffer. I won’t prolong your life out of selfishness. I will look after you until I know that the time to say goodbye is upon us. Until then I will continue to cook your food, pick up your poop and listen to your gentle snores as you sleep on the spare pillow next to me.

You’re my main man. You’re not leaving me yet.

Finally!!!!!! Something else to shoot and edit.

We all know that I have recently returned from an amazing holiday where I took over 3000 photos. (“Good God! Is she still banging on about that bloody trip?”)  But I have had enough of editing them……..for now.

I have been craving the availability of something new to photograph.

Something. ANYTHING!!!

Even with the knowledge that whatever I photograph is going to be shot with my old, original DSLR, the Nikon D5100, as my D750 is at Dr Nikon getting the shutter unit replaced, I still needed to photograph something new. I just didn’t know what and I was hamstrung with other commitments that prevented me going out to play with my camera friends.

But in the marvellous way the earth’s energies converge, I was handed not one………not even two photo opportunities today. I was presented with THREE occasions to pull the camera out of the backpack. THREE!!! I would  have been content with one chance to get creative. I was dumbfounded to have the three offered to me to grab and enjoy. Because that is what taking photos is for me; the chance to grab a moment in time and capture it in my own way.

It began with a table full of donated, hand-knitted and crocheted items on the table at work. The colours, the patterns, the textures! It was something. And I was happy. I had something new to edit and something new to blog about.

And then the earth’s energies came together to offer me bliss as I began my ten minute walk to my car. The beautiful Pablo, an eight month old Basset Hound, playing in the fallen Autumn leaves, his colouring complimented by the reds and oranges on the ground. Fortunately for me his lovely owner was more than happy to let me shoot away.

I said my goodbyes to Pablo and his mum and continued my short trek when I saw unusual activity in the old pavillion on the edge of the lake at Queen’s Park. Is/was that really a person walking on a rope ties to the balustrade? Oh my goodness gracious, this is real, hurry up Suzanne and get your camera out before you miss this chance!!!!

Ahhhhh…………the D5100. How excited and happy I was when I bought her and she was my one and only. I thought that she was the bees knees.  She was the catalyst behind my blog! And she is still a very good camera………….. for an entry-level DSLR. But I have to say, in all honesty and with a touch of embarrassment and shame, it is like going back to dial-up internet when you’ve been on super-fast broadband.  I love you D5100, but I miss D750 and her speed and ability to handle low light situations. I will continue to take you everywhere I go, in case of photographic opportunities, until the time I collect my D750 from Dr Nikon. (Which will, hopefully, be in a few days.)

But…………I got my photos. I grabbed those photography gifts with a slow camera and two eager hands. I worked with what I had and I have something new to look at with wonder and pride.

I am in awe at the way the earth energies work. Just when I needed them, they were there for me. And I hadn’t even really asked for anything. It was just a passing thought. Wow. Imagine what could be possible if I thought with more conviction!!

 

PS: New watermark. Matches the ‘business card’ I had printed. I like.    🙂

 

Good God……..what is it?

When I uploaded this picture I had to wonder what it was I was looking at.  What it is, is my darling dog Almond shot up close and very personal with the 10mm fish-eye.

One could say that it is not her most flattering image, however it is a view of her I see on a regular basis when she gets up close and very personal with me.

And the photo I took of my main man, Riley, reminds me of the cartoon pups with their over-sized noses.

I would like to try shooting the dogs again using the fish-eye, but it is very difficult getting them to stay put and needing to get up super close to achieve the look I know I would get. I may have to enlist an assistant with my next attempt.

The ocean and me

What is the magical power that a surf beach has over me?

The moment I am in its presence I feel the worries and stresses evaporate and I want to walk for miles along her sandy beaches.

Time no longer exists. Responsibilities…….what are they?

But it must be a surf beach. A quiet bay does not have the same effect on my soul. In actual fact, I feel stressed at places like Dromana where there are no rolling waves. It’s like I am being cheated of what I truly desire and I spend my mental energy imagining real surf.

And it’s not that I want to surf or even swim at the surf beaches. I just want to walk on the sand and hear the sounds of the crashing waves.

I am lucky. I live but an hour and a half from some of the most beautiful surf beaches in Victoria and yesterday I threw the dogs in the car and drove down to Anglesea for the day to catch up with a friend and enjoy some beach time.

I couldn’t have picked a more perfect day for the beach if I tried.

I feel a bit like I’m headless (or bodyless)

Is it because it is that weird time between Xmas and New Year when there are lots of public holidays and the actual work week is but a couple of days squashed in between extraordinarily long weekends?

Is it because #1 son is barely home these days and I’m not ready to be a single person living at home with her two dogs for company?

Is it because I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve forgotten how to adult? You know, being a responsible adult and making sure that there’s food in the cupboard and milk in the fridge. I barely had enough milk for my breakfast cereal Tuesday morning!

Whatever the reason or the cause I am not really ‘with it’ at the moment. I do things and wonder why I am doing them. Or I know that I was supposed to be doing something and totally and completely cannot recall what it is I am supposed to be doing.

I woke up Tuesday morning at 8am with NO IDEA what day it was and could only pray that it wasn’t the day that I was supposed to be at work because one thing I did remember was that I had to be at work for an 8:30am start.

Sleep. Maybe I’ll feel better after some sleep.

 

They just never stop!

Puppies. They just never stop.

Now I know why I chose to get older dogs when I brought Riley and Almond into my life.

I am currently babysitting an 8 month old Jack Russell Terrier. He arrived Xmas Eve. He’s quite a handsome little guy. Smart too. Mastered the dog door within three hours. But he is a puppy. With puppy needs and a puppy attention span. Which basically means that he needs me to pay him attention at all times or he will find other ways to entertain himself that might/will get my attention. Like pulling my shoes out of the wardrobe. Or climbing onto the outside table and stealing the dog brush to chew. Or grabbing the floor mat at the front door and dragging it into the kitchen where I am ignoring him whilst attempting to edit photos.

I came home today to find that he had somehow gotten into my son’s bathroom and stolen two rolls of toilet paper and had been ripping them to bits on my bed. He’d even managed to pull the inner cardboard out of one of them!! Very clever indeed.

Right now I am trying in vain to type with two hands, but having a dog laying across my left wrist is proving to be a tad difficult. I can only use the ‘a’ and ‘shift’ key.

I give up!! I’m going to bed. Sleep time is about the only time I am allowed to ignore him.

Goodnight all.

Everyone is turning red, white and blue.

A miracle has occurred in my marvellous Melbourne. A miracle that has been 56 years in the making. The Western Bulldogs have secured a place in the AFL Grand Final.

I wasn’t born the last time they were in a Grand Final. I don’t even think that my parents hadn’t even met. There are not many people alive who can remember the one and only premiership flag we won, back in 1954.

This is a momentous time in the life of Bulldogs supporters. We have been through a lot of heartache. The Preliminary Final has, until last night, been our Achilles heel. Seven times we have made it to the preliminary. Seven times we have ended our run to the Holy Grail of football at the last hurdle.

I have been there for many of those disappointments.I have been there as my club struggled to survive. I have been there as the powers that be tried to merge my Bulldogs with another club. I have been there for the wooden spoons.

I am going to be there for whatever happens this coming Saturday afternoon.

We Bulldogs faithful want the miracle to be complete. We want the silverware. But on the whole, we are just so very happy that we are in a Grand Final ….. at long last. We are on Cloud Nine and we don’t ever want to get off.

What we have been unprepared for is the support of the rest of the Aussie Rules community. Supporters from every other Victorian team (I can’t speak for the interstate clubs) are cheering for the Red, White and Blue. Facebook and social media has been awash with support and congratulations from one-eyed opposition fans. Geelong supporters, Hawthorn, Collingwood, St Kilda, Richmond ………you name the club, their supporters are behind the Bulldogs 100%.

But the Bulldogs are the underdogs and Australians love an underdog. The Bulldogs have done it tough. They are from a working class suburb, their supporters were and still predominately are working class. There has never been a lot of money to throw around on player salaries and coaches. The Bulldogs have had to recruit well and recruit boys who have heart and faith. Once the blood in their veins turns red, white and blue they tend to be Bulldogs for life.

True Bulldogs supporters are Bulldogs for life. My son is a Bulldog for life. My son has been through the lean years. He has endured mediocre seasons and the pain of preliminary finals losses. I told him from the start that life as a Bulldogs supporter was going to be tough, that he had to be strong and understand that we may face many tough years of supporting. But I also told him that our struggles would make the highs just so much sweeter.

By golly are things feeling sweet today. Now to find the red, white and blue wig for Saturday……………….and the nail polish…………and the face paint…………..

 

There were dogs

It wouldn’t be an outing for me if I didn’t meet and photograph some wonderful new dogs. This past weekend was no exception and one of the beautiful beasts I met was the stunning harlequin Great Dane, Tilley.

I spotted this big, beautiful girl as she gracefully wandered through the ruins/renovations of the old Beechworth Asylum. The exterior of the building she was in was white and she was so perfect as I spied her through the holes in the walls. Even from 100 metres away I knew that there was a Great Dane in that building, and a harlequin at that. 🙂

Simply gorgeous in her awkward elegance.

I had to go and meet her. And I had to photograph her as well.

 

 

Finally!!!! Hopetoun weekend completed

 

Thursday night and I have finally completed the editing process for all the shots from the ‘Bigger than Ben Hur” Hopetoun weekend.

I started the process with well over 600 photos, which I managed to reduce to 423 through some ruthless culling. My final but perhaps not final, total is 133 edited photos, of which about 100 have made it into a Facebook album. This edited number may increase a tiny bit because there are some of the motorbike boys that I’d like to look at more closely and forward on.

I think 133 is a pretty conservative number. I have been much more selective in my choice of what stays or goes which can only be a sigh of my growing understanding of what is worth looking at and what’s not. I’ve become more discerning. 🙂  And one can’t forget that there were an incredible amount of photography experiences to be documented over the two days, therefore it is not possible to pick a top 10. (But I will try to pick a top 20.)

So I will leave you with one of my favourites.

A man and his dog.