Goodbye Riley.

Today was the day I had to make the hardest decision a pet owner has to make and I said one final goodbye to my amazing dog, Riley. I knew this day was coming as he was now 13 and he had health issues, but he had been going so well. I had hoped that he would get to his ‘adoption’ anniversary at the end of the month but his body knew different and my hand was forced by circumstance.

You’ve heard it all before from other grieving pet owners, but I can honestly say that no pet has ever had such an impact in my life than that of Riley. From the moment I saw his face in the online advertisement I knew he was mine. I just didn’t comprehend how deeply his presence would change me from the person I was when I bought him.

Riley, through his own personality, taught me to be confident, brave and unafraid.

You see……. Riley was a dude.

Riley was a little dog with a big personality but he was not arrogant or cocky. Everybody who met him loved and admired him.

No collar and lead for this man. He didn’t need it and as a matter of fact, when he was required to be on lead his whole persona was different. Riley walked the streets like he owned them. Just a couple of feet ahead of me, but never afraid of what was ahead of him and never intimidated by any dog he met on his walk. Without my even being aware of it, this is precisely what I needed to learn about life and myself.

Riley was never a clingy “Hold me! Pat me!” dog but he was always by my side. Sitting on the couch, he had to be beside me. Not ON me, beside me. Having a shower, he’d be waiting outside the shower screen, on the bath mat, for me to exit. Going to the toilet he’d be propped at my feet. Bedtime, sleeping right next to me from the first day he arrived. If I was sad or unwell his solid presence was something I could always rely on.

The number of times I’ve turned around and nearly fallen flat on my face because he was right behind me. And I tell you, now that I’m in my fifties I have often wondered if I’d be one of those women who breaks her hip tripping over her dog. Writing this now, without his body pressed against my feet and his snores vibrating the computer desk is breaking my heart. The lack of him is achingly present.

Fortunately, I still have Almond. I know she senses that something is not right. Matthew and I went out today with her buddy Riley but he didn’t come home with us. And Riley wasn’t there when she had dinner. But Almond brought me a perfect dose of reality as she waded through a deep, muddy puddle this afternoon. Nothing like being required to bath a muddy, smelly dog to make you know you’re alive.

The next few days are going to be hard and I’ll probably cry a lot, but never, for a single moment, would I ever consider NOT owning a dog or having a pet because of the likelihood of having to experience this absolute sense of loss again.

Loss is part of love and I loved my boy Riley with all my heart. For eleven years he has been my main man.

And now he’s gone.

And there’s a big hole in my heart.

Goodbye my Riley dog.

I miss you.

We miss you.

 

It’s not your time just yet.

Last Tuesday morning I awoke to the realisation that this might be your last day with me and my mind became numb. You were not well. You hadn’t been ‘right’ for a while, but I explained it to myself as simply old age creeping up on you. But suddenly the creep had become a race and I knew that I needed to take you to the vet to see what, if anything, could be done.

Avoiding the inevitable had become the norm. I was a bad owner. Yes, your ability to see had diminished to the point where I was sure that you only saw shadows and your back legs were beginning to give way…….. but you were happy. You were still eating and drinking and following me around as you always had.

To be brutally honest, I didn’t want to hear what the vet might have to say.

However, I could no longer avoid the truth. You needed to be seen by the vet. Those back legs that had been giving way over time had deteriorated rapidly and this morning they were almost not able to hold you up. You looked afraid and suddenly very old.

As the minutes ticked away I became acutely aware that this might be the last time I talked with you, the last time I rubbed your velvety, black ears, the last time I looked into your beautiful, if now unseeing, brown eyes.

I had to take your photo.

With tears in my eyes I swapped lenses on my camera. It may sound ridiculous to non-photographers, but you needed and deserved the 50mm f1.8. If these were going to be my final images of you they had to be done properly and a prime lens is the only way to do you justice.

We went to the vet. The news was not good. You have spinal degeneration and the nerves to you lower back and hind legs have been severely compromised. The options were almost non-existent. You could have X-rays to assess the extent of the damage but they might not show everything. You could have a CAT scan, but again that might be inconclusive. Because of your age spinal surgery is not an option.

I was faced with two options. We could try anti-inflammatory medication or I stood by your side as we sent you to the Rainbow Bridge.

I’m a realist. I know that you are old. Your thirteenth birthday is but a few months away. That’s a good age for a dog. But it’s not time for you to go. Not yet.

So anti-inflammatory meds it is.

Within 24 hours your condition had improved 1000%. You haven’t become a puppy again, but you are able to stand and walk more confidently. It is true that your brain is telling you to turn left but your back legs are a few seconds late in getting the message, but that doesn’t matter. You are happier and my fears for you have been allayed……for the time being.

It is a day by day scenario, Riley dog. I know you won’t be with me for all that much longer, but it’s not your time to go. Not this week.

I won’t let you suffer. I won’t prolong your life out of selfishness. I will look after you until I know that the time to say goodbye is upon us. Until then I will continue to cook your food, pick up your poop and listen to your gentle snores as you sleep on the spare pillow next to me.

You’re my main man. You’re not leaving me yet.

Monday nights are going to be tough

So it seems that my Monday nights are going to be busy from now on. This means that I am going to need to plan ahead. Which should be easy, but it’s me, and so it’s not.

I don’t do ‘plan ahead’ very well. I can do it, but then I forget to check my schedule and forget that I’m organised, or completely forget that I have planned anything at all. Or I plan ahead and when the plan ahead time comes I don’t like what I’ve planned.

It is a problem of mine that I don’t see being rectified any time soon. (Because to rectify it I would need to plan a strategy…..ahead of time. Can you see my problem here??)

My Mondays are going to be busy and late because I am probably, no I am going to, join a camera club. Unfortunately, the closest club to be is almost half an hour from home. Close to my mum and dad’s so I can ‘plan ahead’ to have dinner there, but it leaves me no time to photograph, chose, edit, upload and blog.

Unless………………….

I take my laptop with me on Mondays, do my photo editing and my blog while I’m waiting for my Monday roast that has been lovingly and magnificently cooked by my darling mother. Eat dessert (because mum always has dessert) then go to the camera club meeting and then I can head home stress free!!!

OMG!!! Problem solved. Planned in advance and all. 🙂

Only one problem. Mum and dad are rather fond of taking long holidays. What am I going to do then? I know. I’ll worry about it then.

Pug nose, because I had to rummage through the vault.

Is this Plan B or Plan C?

My #1 man

I have been a busy girl today. It takes time and patience to work through a mound of ignored paperwork. Today I had the time and somehow today I also found the patience. Let’s just ignore the fact that I had been on holidays last week and could definitely have done this chore then. But who wants to do chores whilst on holidays?? Chores and holidays. Two concepts that do not belong in the same thought process.

It may have had something to do with the weather. (Cold and wet).

It may have had something to do with the tradie working  in my garage. (I couldn’t leave the house)

It may have been the simple fact that I couldn’t stand looking at the mess anymore.

Nevertheless, I slowly worked my way through the piles of crap on the kitchen bench, the buffet, the dining table and the computer desk. I threw stuff out. I filed stuff away. I put things in bags for re-allocation to their original homes.

None of this was a hurried or harried process. I have taken my time. I have had purposeful action followed by moments of distraction. The programmes from the last two live theatre productions were put away, but then I had to look through some of the old programmes in the cupboard and reminisce, discovering that Russell Crowe had performed in the first live production of Rocky Horror that I saw way back in the 80’s.  🙂

I also got off my proverbial and took myself down to Bunnings to cross another few things off of my “to do” list.

There are still lots of things on my “to do” list. I’ll get to them when the inclination or desperation strikes. No rush. They are only chores and tasks that won’t affect anyone’s sense of peace and tranquillity. Global chaos will not be the result in leaving the ironing for another day or two. (or three)

But when you are busy doing all these little things, it’s hard to find the time to take the all important photo. Thank goodness for pets!! Because, when all else fails take a photo of the man in your life, even if he is your dog.

A tail of two dogs.

Riley the rock star.

Riley was discovered on the online pages of the Trading Post some 6 and a half years ago. I had been searching for a new Cavalier King Charles Spaniel to fill the massive void left by the passing of my two elderly Cavaliers the year before. I had to be patient with the task because I was also moving house, so I waited till I was all settled in and began my search in earnest.

I searched   https://www.petrescue.com.au/  , the Trading Post, The Lort Smith website, The Lost Dogs Home website and numerous other websites in my quest for the perfect dog for me. I knew that I would be selfish and silly of me to get a puppy. I mean, really, did I want a new baby?? No. I wanted to share my home with an older dog who needed me.

How did I end up with a Pug instead of another Cavalier? It was his eyes. From the moment I saw his picture on the webpage I was a goner. I knew in my heart that he was the man for me. I had to jump through a few hoops and was terrified that I had missed out, but the stars and planets all aligned and two nights later Riley was sleeping, very contentedly, in my bed. No more living in a one-bedroom flat with a mum who loved him, but was working 60 hours a week, so was never home for him.

But the void in my heart from the passing of Patrick and Gemma was not filled. One dog is great. Two dogs are better. They keep each other company when you are not there. They run together, they play together, they sleep together. They are each other’s companion just as much as they are yours.

So a couple of years later, and with some pretty stiff negative reaction from family and some friends, my search began again.  And once again, it was the eyes. There she was, on the Petrescue website, looking at me with the most enormous, expressive, terrified, gorgeous brown eyes in the world. Miss Almond.

If I thought I had jumped through hoops to become Riley’s new owner, it was nothing compared to the obstacle course required to become Almond’s. Was my home securely fenced? Did it have heating and cooling? Did my car have air-conditioning? How long would the dog be left home alone? Was there another dog at home? Did I own a cat? Did I have children? If so, how old were they? Where would the dog be expected to sleep? Did I have ‘days of the week’ underwear? Did I prefer chocolate or strawberry ice-cream? Did I suck my Malteasers or chew them?

Ok. So maybe the last three questions weren’t real, but you get my drift. However, coming from a rescue organisation you can understand their concerns. Some (most) of these dogs had not had a great start to life and they deserved happiness and stability. Miss Almond had not had a great start to life. She was the end result of a life in a cage. A puppy farm rescue who was destined to spend her years, like her mother, locked away in a cage in a dark shed, popping out puppies for a person or persons who never pet her, never talked to her, never let her out to run, never registered or vaccinated her, never loved her.

Boy!!! Were my eyes opened when Almond came into my life. Those cute ‘oodles’ and ‘jugs’ and ‘avaliers’ that you see in the Trading Post and on Gumtree……their stories are not what they seem.  Looking for a puppy? Do your research people.       http://www.oscarslaw.org/

So I have my two beautiful beasts and I have to consciously stop myself from falling in love with another dog, or two or three, that I spot on Petrescue.com.au. Because I do keep looking. Not because I want to get another dog, at least I don’t think I want to get another dog……….

I have to stop looking into those eyes.

Miss Almond the gorgeous.

Bugger poop.

Mr Riley behind the glass

We had a little incident at home today. Nothing major, unless you call a shattered window that measures 850mm by 2000mm major. The result of a wipper snipper and a random stone being flung at a high velocity.

Bugger poop.

Today was chores day. It hasn’t been chores day at my house for a VERY long time. (If I actually can’t remember the last time I did the housework it is a VERY long time.) I have been so busy the last few weeks I have barely had time to scratch. I go to work, I come home to eat and feed the dogs and maybe the #1 son, I go out again, I come home to sleep, I get up and go to work again. I actually have hardly been home in weeks and my weekends have been so busy with social engagements I am surprised that the dogs remember who I am.

Needless to say, my favourite thing in the world, housework, was put on the back-burner. But today I surrendered to the inevitable. I couldn’t stand the mess and the washing and the dust and the dog hair another moment longer.

I had alternatives. I had the football to go to. I had friends I also hadn’t caught up with in months. But my sense of responsibility won the battle. I wasn’t going to go through the torture on my own though. I enlisted #1 son to do some work. I needed him to mow the lawns because I was beginning to lose the dogs when they went out the back. They were also coming inside dripping wet from the long, wet grass. No longer an acceptable situation.

So #1 son mowed the lawns, but the edges needed doing too. Wipper snipper time. Things were going great …..till they weren’t. One stray bit of broken concrete edging was flicked up by the wipper snipper. Boy, did that sucker have some speed and power behind it. We both heard the bang. Then we both watched as the cracks spread.

As I sit here typing I can still hear the glass shattering further. The pane of glass is slowly breaking into tens of thousands of little pieces. The big bits cracked, then those smaller bits cracked, and now those smaller and smaller bits continue to split into even smaller pieces.

The glass man I called has put a thick, clear contact over the window to keep it all together until he comes back tomorrow. I just have to cross my fingers that the window stays in the frame until he arrives with the replacement panel.

This is a very good reminder of the importance of wearing safety glasses when using the wipper snipper. If this is what a stray rock can do to toughened glass, just imagine what it could do to a person.  There. OH&S sermon over.

Miss Almond before she put a hole in the glass.

Oh no. My dogs don’t get up on the furniture.

Mr Riley relaxing

Dogs, like cats, look for the warm spots in the house. They seek out those slivers of Autumn sunshine, no matter how pathetic they may be. Any chance to feel warm. Doesn’t matter to them that the heater is on. If there is a ray of sunshine coming through the window they want to be basking in it.

My Riley found his spot this morning. Up on the top of the couch. He likes to be up high. He spends a fair bit of time up there and has created his own dent in the couches in both the lounge room and the family room.

No photographers from Home Beautiful will ever cross the threshold and snap my house for an upcoming edition. Not with the dog dents in the couches and the dog hair everywhere. But who cares. A house is meant to be lived in by a family and my dogs are part of my family.

I should not be left unsupervised at a shopping centre.

My shopping haul.

I went to Watergardens tonight for one thing. I wanted a screen protector for my new phone. But I had to go to the ATM to get some cash out and that meant that I had to wander through the shopping centre to reach it. While I wandered I looked. And sometimes when you look you see things that you feel you must have.

I felt that I must have the lion cushion because I love lions. It could be a Leo thing, but how stunning is it!!

I felt that I must have some nice, taupe ankle boots because………….I liked them.

I wandered into Typo because it’s a favourite store of mine and I saw the Pug tote. I felt very strongly that I should have that too because…………Yeah, alright. I bought it because it is another Pug thing.

And I felt that I should have a decent computer with a nice big screen, lots of RAM, a dedicated graphics card and a 1TB hard drive because I deserve to be able to work on my photos properly.

And I will blame my son for this spending frenzy. If he had been home tonight expecting dinner I would have not been in the shopping centre, unsupervised, with hours of free time on my hands.

She did it deliberately!!

Don’t tell Matthew.

I am absolutely certain that she did it deliberately.

She knew that I had been paid this week. She deliberately decided to change her shop window display today when she saw me head down the street after work. She just knew that I’d notice. She knew that I was aware that the window was changing. She knows that as an ex-retailer who used to re-do massive shop windows every week that I pay attention to a new display. She knew that I would be looking closely at what she had done on my return to the car.

She just knew that if she put that cushion in the window I would notice it.

She knew that I would have to have a closer look and inquire about the price.

She knew that I really didn’t care how much it cost.

She also knew that she probably should have ordered more than one.

Riley the rock star

Soaking up the warm rays.

I am the very proud owner of a Pug called Riley. He has, quite literally, changed my world since I became his new owner 6 years ago. Because of his independent and outgoing personality, he has helped me to become similar in nature.

He rules my world without ‘ruling’ my world. From day one he had his favourite places in the house all picked out and very quickly asserted his expectations of his sleeping arrangements. In the bed. Pug owners, you know what I mean. I’ve yet to meet one whose pug does not sleep under the covers with them.

One of Riley’s favourite spots in the house is in the family room where he gets to soak up the sun from the large north-facing windows. He will bask in the glow for hours on end, eyes closed to the brightness, body exposed to the comforting warmth.

What is also cool about Riley is that he is so photogenic.

He is my rock star. I love him.

There’s something so very human about this shot. Relaxed and enjoying the sun.