“What drug can I get you?”

A friend of mine recently made a life-changing decision to stop drinking. It was a decision made after consideration of a number of factors that are important and personal to himself, but one of the reasons was the awareness that he had begun to develop an ‘unhealthy reliance’ on alcohol.

This decision of his came a couple of weeks prior to the annual event known as ‘Dry July’ but the timing has probably been beneficial because he can become accustomed to not drinking and not be berated relentlessly by his friends and associates. It’s Dry July. Lots of people are not drinking.

I’m the fly on the wall watching this friend’s ‘light-bulb’ moments. I am a non-drinker, I have been aware of what he is suddenly experiencing socially my whole life. I’m in the VIP seat witnessing epiphanies. I have somehow become his sounding board and his non-judgemental voice of reason.

Dry July is one month, in Australia, every year where people can say ‘I’m not drinking for a month. Please support my decision and donate to my chosen charity.’ Sounds great. It IS great. But….. OH MY GOD ……….. the whingeing and complaining that accompanies this decision is enough to drive a person to drink!!! EVERYONE has to be made aware of the sacrifices Dry Julyers are making because they are not partaking of an alcoholic beverage for an entire 31 days. The social agony of not enjoying a glass of red with their friends at dinner. *GASP!* Invitations to go out will be politely but loudly rejected because the mere idea of not getting hammered with their friends is unacceptable. And really, who wants to be the sober one when everyone else is getting drunk? Drunk people are so unpleasant to be around when you’re not in the same state of inebriation.

There will be many people attempting Dry July because they are aware that they may have an issue that needs addressing and this public event is a safe and non-judgemental way to make a start, however, there are hundreds of people all around Australia who are not doing Dry July for the numerous health benefits. Oh no! Most of the people attempting Dry July are doing it on a dare, to raise money, because someone thought it would be a good idea for someone else in the office to do it………. Come August 1st most of these people will be making up for lost drinking time. The pubs, clubs and bars around the nation are already ordering up big for the return to drinking.

Alcohol permeates our society. Every event that you attend is fuelled by wine, beer, cider, spirits or cocktails. It doesn’t matter if you are attending the football or a baby’s baptism, if there are adults in attendance so is alcohol.

Why?

Alcohol is a drug. It alters one’s consciousness. Alcohol changes a person’s behaviour. It prevents people connecting in a real and meaningful way. Alcohol is the panacea and the excuse for every ailment or wrong-doing known to man.

Feeling sad……..have a drink.

Feeling happy………. have a drink.

Sun is shining……have a drink.

The weather is miserable…….have a drink.

New baby……..have a drink.

Someone died……….have a drink.

Won a major contract………..have a drink.

Lost your job……….have a drink.

On a date………have a drink.

Relationship ended………..have a drink.

Thanks for your help……..let me buy you a drink.

It’s your birthday………let me buy you a drink.

Punched someone……..had been drinking.

Yelled at the kids……….had been drinking.

Blew hundreds of dollars at the casino…….had been drinking.

Crashed the car into a fence………had been drinking.

Behaved irresponsibly………had been drinking.

If you stop for a moment and think about alcohol as a drug then you start to see your friendly bartender as your drug dealer. He will ply you with the substance you crave for as long as the money holds out. You will be enticed with ‘Happy Hour’ where you can get your hit cheaply and once your ability to think rationally has gone then the cost goes up, but you don’t notice because the drug has dulled your senses. Bartender stopped serving you? Get your mate to buy the drinks.

You need this drug to relax you say. No way you could get out on the dance floor without another couple of relaxants. Impossible to start a conversation without a shot of courage. Talk and flirt with someone you find attractive without a shot or two under your belt?Perish the thought!!

A glass or two of your chosen drug makes you feel good.

OF COURSE IT DOES!!! IT’S A DRUG!!! That’s what drugs are designed to do. Whether your drug is cocaine or a Cosmopolitan it is essentially the same thing. The only difference is the social, governmental and legal acceptability of alcohol.

Apparently I’m strange. I’m a bit of a freak. People don’t know how to behave around me. Bartenders don’t know how to handle my request for a raspberry cordial in flat water with no ice, though they have no problem with the request for an extra dry martini, shaken not stirred, with three olives.  Wineries blatantly ignore my request for a glass of water, even though technically I am the designated driver and they should be treating the person who is sober and responsible for the other members of the group with respect.

And let’s not even start with dating! Where am I supposed to meet someone for a drink if I don’t drink? News for you gentlemen. I do drink. I simply don’t drink alcohol. I don’t have a problem with you having a glass of something, I can drink water, I just have a problem if you drink a few glasses or cans of something.

If you are doing Dry July take the time to notice what is happening around you and to you. Has your sleep quality improved? Are you losing weight? Are your eyes clearer? Are your thoughts clearer? How much money are you saving? Are your acquaintances real friends or fellow drug users? How does it feel to remember what you did on Friday night? What is it like to make love to your partner when your are not ‘altered’ by alcohol? Are you more productive at work? How do you feel being in a room of people who are drinking? Is your interaction with your family and friends more connected?

I hope my friend’s decision to give up alcohol is a permanent one. It is a big choice to make and a choice that is not popular among the majority of the population. He will be met with resistance, anger, disbelief, mistrust, coercion, shock, laughter and humiliation. I have my fingers crossed for him.

 

 

 

Every girl needs her own ‘George’

“Maybe there won’t be a wedding…… Maybe there won’t be sex  ….. But, by God, there’ll be dancing!!”

In homage to the wedding I attended on Sunday, in my germ-ridden state, I watched “My Best Friend’s Wedding” this afternoon. My favourite scene is the last, when the sad and heartbroken Julianne (Julia Roberts) receives a phone call from her gay friend George (Rupert Everett) who is hiding on the other side of the wedding reception dance floor.

It is George and his joyful honesty who finally puts a smile on her face and the two of them spend the rest of the night dancing till they drop from exhaustion and laughter.

Weddings are tough for me. That massive reminder that I am single. But this time I wasn’t even aware of my marital status…..because I had Michael. I had a friend who I could talk to, laugh with and dance the night away………… with no strings attached.

Yes, Michael is gay. He was also my dance teacher so I knew that finally I would be able to get up on the dance floor, dance properly and have a really great time.

At last!!! A wedding where I was able to dance and laugh til I dropped from exhaustion …………and blistered feet.

Thank you Michael …………. for being my George.

R U ok??……….Yes, I am.

Yesterday was ‘R U ok?’ day. The day when you take a moment to check in on the person or people who you care about to make sure that they are doing alright. And by doing alright, I mean mentally.

I took a moment to check in on me.

And I am ok.  🙂

It is no secret that The Black Dog and I have waged a battle of wills this year. It was not pretty. As a matter of fact, it was pretty bloody horrible, but I have come out on top. I have looked The Black Dog in the eye and have stood my ground and I am the master of the beast.

I didn’t do it on my own though. I had help. It is nigh on impossible to conquer the beast on your own. You need family, friends, co-workers, bosses, doctors and mental health professionals to help. I am immensely fortunate to have all those resources at my disposal.

Spare a thought for those who don’t have a GP who knows them well or can’t afford a psychologist.

Spare a thought for those without family and friends who care.

Spare a thought for those who are unable to give those in need the time and dedication required to climb out of the darkness that The Black Dog brings to their world.

I thought of those people who are forced to struggle on their own.

I know I am very lucky. I am thankful every day for the people in my world who care.

Am I ok???? You bet I am.

 

Don’t mess with me, H. :-)

My best friend in the whole wide world asked me to take some family photos today. (Sorry Evie, don’t be cross, I know your shots are still on the ‘to do’ list.)

Hubby wants an updated family portrait. She wants to hide under a rock until the world ends because she doesn’t want to be seen in any photos.

Well, dearest Helen, I have taken the photos and they look great. YOU look great.

…………..except for that one where you were pulling a face because I was attempting to photograph you while you were relaxed.

Actually, in that particular shot you look brilliant! Isn’t it a good thing that the old wives’ tale of the wind changing and you being stuck forever with the face you are pulling being just that……… a tale. Because I don’t think you would be happy being stuck with that particular face forever.

You’ve been so worried about this family portrait. Declaring that it is to be printed small and that it was going to live in the bedroom where only the immediate family would see it. Insisting that I ‘work my magic’ to make you look half decent.

My dearest friend, you are more than decent. You are beautiful……….. inside and out. Those of us who know you and love you will tell you this truth any day of the week.

So while you have been worried about people seeing the stunning family portrait, perhaps you should have been more concerned about the brilliant out-take from today???

Love you Helen. xoxoxoxo

It is my birth anniversary

Thank you for the awesome photo Kathryn. xoxo

 

Birth anniversary. I like it. The anniversary of my birth. So much more formal and grand sounding than ‘my birthday’. Thank you to Cecilia for giving me a new name for the day. 🙂

Today is the 49th anniversary of my birth. The day a daughter was born to Reg and Lorraine West. Their first child. (Their best child I might add.)

It is Friday and because I don’t work on Fridays I have been able to sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, take calls from friends and family, relax, read and reply to the birthday messages on Facebook and think about the dinner I will be enjoying later on this evening.

And I have been set a challenge.

I have a friend who has demanded that I email her one massive challenge that I want to accomplish. She wants it to be something that will make me squirm. And I must complete this challenge by my next birthday. She thinks it sounds like fun. Just wait till I make her do the same. Then we’ll see how much fun she thinks it is.

Of course, my next birthday is considered a big one. It has a zero on the end. Sounds ominous and somewhat daunting. I’ve toyed with the idea of running away on my own and marking the milestone somewhere exotic. I’ve considered ignoring the day. I’ve thought about whether I even like the idea of being the age that I will be, while totally ignoring the fact that I’m now 49.

How the hell did I get to be 49???? I can’t possibly be 49! Let’s just ignore the little fact that I am the mother of a 20 year old son……….Surely I’m still in my early 30’s and I only left high school a decade or so ago??

What has happened to those years between HSC 1985 and now?

Now I have a friend challenging me…….daring me………..to push myself out of my comfort zone and do that ‘thing’ that I’ve wanted to do but have not yet achieved.

As soon as I read the text message the (most likely) idea came to my brain.

The idea will satisfy everyone. I will be squirming uncomfortably. My  parents will be happy. My friends will be happy. It won’t matter who is involved because there will be a common theme.

The question now is…………Do I make my thoughts public??

 

 

 

Yes, I do take requests.

Today’s photo is by special request.

My very best friend in the world, who has been my very best friend since 1980, was more than a little excited when she heard that I was heading out to the country for a photography weekend.  Her favourite photos of mine are those where I have gotten up close to barbed wire and dilapidated farm fences. They were the type of photos that I was really ‘into’ when I first got my camera. I was fascinated by the detail of things rather than the BIG pictures that show the whole object. When everyone else was taking pictures of the whole statue or building or landscape, I had focused, quite literally, on one element of the image that had caught my attention.

Sadly, I don’t do that as often as I used to and perhaps I should bring myself back to my basics more often, but when there are so many opportunities to learn new things and to experiment with new techniques………….

So Helen, this one’s for you.   🙂

 

Weathered and old

One begins to ponder mortality on hearing of the death of someone you once knew.

Tonight I heard of the passing of a man I went to high school with. The first person in our year level to die.

A man the same age as me.

This is a reality check. A reminder that, though I may feel as though I only left school a few years ago, it was 30 years ago that I and my fellow Essendon High School classmates said farewell to our high school years.

This same group of men and women will be turning fifty in the next two and three years. Some of us are parents to young children, others to young adults and even some are enjoying the life of the doting grandparent.

We have lives, jobs, careers, families, pets, responsibilities, futures, plans.

God dammit……………we’re still young!!!

Not one of us ever contemplated that we would be sending condolences to the family of a school mate yet. Not yet. It’s too soon. We’re too young. We haven’t achieved our dreams. We’re still dreaming!!!